My Backdoor Bakery

Sirens, alarming sirens, and then silence.  It’s past midnight, and the silence is deafening.    Wind gushing outside as the snow tries to penetrate the dense clouds.  Winter chills came back, and as we are waiting for spring to go forward, chilling news ravaged the screen.  As I watched the news today, I heard the sad news and more unfortunate news:  Nurses were harassed at anti- lockdown protests around the nation.  Nurses were called UNETHICAL, DISGUSTING, and VIRUS. I can’t hold my anger.  I tried to calm down and checked what they were fighting for.  Oh yeah, they have their freedom, standing for their God-given rights, the second amendment.  The right to live with the freedom to make their own choices. Nobody wants this to happen.  Now is not the time to blame anyone.  The virus is here to stay unless a vaccine will be developed and protect us.  Everyone is prone to this virus invasion. It doesn’t matter how old you are, strong and healthy, and immunocompromised. It doesn’t respect race, gender, or economic class.   COVID 19 will break you down. Crushed you beyond imagination. Nurses have been in this battle since day one.  We are not just battling against COVID 19. We have been fighting our rights for protection, rights to proper PPE, rights to be treated with dignity and respect in our own facilities, and now this, our rights to fight for our patients and the people who want to live.  These protests aren’t helping at all. It is indeed a slap in our faces.  What would make these people understand that every time we go to work, we are a foot away from our deathbed?  Many nurses succumb to this virus.  They didn’t ask for it. They have a calling to do, to help the victims of this fierce enemy. They fought head to head with the virus just to fight for their patients. COVID 19 is no joke.  It is severe, and in the blink of an eye, you can die, you may lose your loved ones. And the worst part of this is you die alone without your family.  And the only hands which are holding you during those breathtaking situations are nurse’s hands.  Oh yes, the nurses who were ridiculed, insulted, and called “traitor” and “no shame”.  It crushed my heart and spirit.  Is it worth it? Is it all worth it? I have been asking myself, and I am sure many of my co nurses are asking the same question right now. We have been struggling with physical,  emotional, and mental fatigue with this unknown enemy.   We have learned that even when we are weary and knocked down, we stand up and continue to fight the battle unknown.  Do you know what makes us strong?  We have each other. We have each other’s shoulder to cry on. We were holding hands together and encouraged one another not to lose hope. We pray for one another. We help each other.  We learn to laugh and cry at the same time, and nobody condemns.  We are a tribe of nurses. We are made strong by people like you.  Just make sure what you said against us will not backfire on you. Because when you acquire the destructive COVID 19, you will need us, you will rely on us, and you will ask for our hands to hold you and assure you of life.  And we will be there. We will do our job, and we will respect our calling with dignity because we are a TRIBE OF NURSES.

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I lived in Milan, Italy years before coming to America to work as a registered nurse. It was a bittersweet moment. I have loved Italy in a very special way. Italians taught me how to love life. To pace and to enjoy each moment, a far cry from the life in America. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to compare two different cultures. But the beauty of living in both worlds has opened up my eyes from an entirely different perspective.

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Italians love “the life”. They love to savor every moment of it. They love to spend time preparing food. They love enjoying each bite of Formaggio and pasta while sipping the newly opened bottle of wine. And having fun while sharing it with family and friends. Pranzo is not rushed in fact it is normal to have two hours of lunchtime. They can go back home to cook their pasta and eat lunch before going back to work. When they’re stressed out at work, they would go in a “bar” which is a normal COFFEE BAR where they could get a good cup of espresso and have a chitchat with their barista of what is going on.

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Italians are family-oriented. They love their aging parents. In fact, most of the Italian men are “mamma’s boy” I would say. Not to blame these men, but it is an admirable trait because it turned out that they are also committed husbands. Most of them would not only call their parents but they would visit them all the time. Some would live with them, or some lived next door so they can oversee them. I love how they adore and love them and give importance to their existence. They don’t see it as a burden but they consider it a privilege to see their parents growing old and being taken care of by them.

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To describe Italy as a beautiful country is an understatement. From the green mountains to the valley of vineyards to the spectacular coastline with picturesque villages rise up the cliffs from the sea, where you’ll find crystal clear beaches. Such perfection can set up a tone that Italy is not just a beautiful country. You could just imagine a life where you could just sip a good wine without drowning yourself with it but soaking up such beauty.

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The Italian renaissance is much celebrated. It is considered a “rebirth” and was always used in connection with some intellectual or artistic skills. Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Sandro Botticelli, Giovanni Bellini, and many more. They inspired the “rebirth”. They have changed the history of Italian life during the 15th and 16th centuries, marking the transition from the Middle Ages to Modernity. A time of change, a time of hope and a time of rebirth.

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At this time as my Italian family struggles with the modern crisis of pandemic, they have been pressed down harder they could have ever imagined. They almost lost their hope. They saw their “La Dolce Vita” crushed to pieces but they didn’t give up. They struggle but they fight back, day after day after day. My heart is broken for them, but I know they will survive. They lived to be victorious because they know they are ITALIANS. FORZA ITALIA! My prayers are always with you.

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Today is the official last day of winter. The world stood still as it continue to fight the new war, fighting the unseen enemy that the crushes not only the physical but the spirit of the humanity. The COVID-19 took a huge toil on everyone. But we know that despite of it all, there’s a NEW HOPE OF A NEW DAY. Spring symbolizes a rebirth and renewal. We could see the beauty of a new beginning like a daffodil that blooms in this season of hope. Spring symbolizes love, youth and hope. The long winter has passed, and life goes on a fresh perspective. #firstdayofspring2020

Interestingly backdoor may implies a negative connotation, but in some cases it meets the need. I’m not a professional baker but I’m a full time MOM. A mom to two adult kids and the demands of being a mom never changes in a lifetime. Through the years of raising and nurturing them, I have to innovate a lot of things just to suffice every needs and demands. I have to be their “professional” baker through the backdoor process. Make sense? Maybe a lot of “MOMS” out there have done the same way I did. It was exhausting but it was rewarding. We did it through the backdoor to open up the front door and present ourselves to the outside world.

As heavy clouds gathered together the sky turned dark, then there’s a burst of lightning and bolt of thunder. Then it covered the lake then torrents of rain came gushing in. In awe as I observed it from the top of the mountain, then sudden gush of cold wind felt through my spine……now the whole area is covered with fog……..Sometimes it is good to stop from all the busyness of life and be still before the Lord and reflect the vastness of His majesty.